|
[13 Jul 2005|01:35pm] |
good bye internet
i will miss you for a while
if you need to get ahold of me, call me, I don't think I will have the internet before I go to Europe.
See ya!
|
|
| Well, Well, Well, If It Isn't You Again |
[09 Mar 2005|12:27am] |
I could say so many things
I could say just oh so many things to you
I could pour them out of my heart
and let you know what you're doing to me
or to anyone, including the harm you've done to yourself
but it wouldn't matter
You would feel bad or guilty but you wouldn't know why
it would be futile as hell
even though you'd pretend to see it
and pretend to fix it and genuinely feel bad
you wouldn't understand
it's like asking for an apology
you're not saying you're sorry because you know what you did
or you feel sorry
you apologize because someone asked you to
I could tell you how much I'm dying
and what I go through in my head
thinking and thinking
making myself sick
but it wouldn't matter
the worst is that you are just the surface problem
the excuse for the crying and worrying
the rest of it is buried so deep that I can't even find it
and that's rare, my friend
I don't know if you started it
or released it
or maybe you just triggered something that has been there forever
maybe it didn't have a damned thing to do with you
but you're the excuse untill I get it all figured out
|
|
|
[10 Feb 2005|09:25pm] |
|
why the fuck can't I get over you
|
|
| So Far & So Long |
[21 Sep 2004|01:24am] |
yeah, so
.............................I love this city
|
|
| Best Compliment Ever |
[14 Apr 2004|11:44am] |
H: you know who you remind me of, Danielle?
Me: Who?
H: April, from Ninja Turtles.
Me: YES! THAT'S AWESOME.
since I was five she was my idol.
|
|
| Journey Never Felt So Empty |
[14 Apr 2004|12:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
"Sometimes a repeated knife in the heart is less painful than just walking away."
I watch my life in rewind, passing by me like the scenery of the countryside from the backseat window of a car. It's like a movie, but with more camera jerks and raw footage than ever seen on the big screen. The sound track is perfectly orchastrated. New music to fit every mood and feeling. Lighting that suits every circumstance. Rain that begins perfectly on cue, sunlight that dries away tears @ the right moment.
Sometimes it feels like that and sometimes it's all just completely out of sync.
This is an in between time. A limbo of some sort, that I am stuck in. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to, no goals to meet. Just...waiting. And I haven't the slightest notion as to what I'm waiting for, but there is this anxious feeling, this weird neutral emotion that is the undertone of everything lately. There's a force beneath it all that's pulling me in one direction or another, I just haven't figured out which is which yet.
Perhaps it's all just a hoax. A trick of the emotions on the mind. Perhaps it is because I always have something completely out of the ordinary planned or flying @ me from one day to the next that this normalcy is just not normal to me. Once you've been high for so long, the normal level just isn't normal anymore. Maybe it's that kind of situation. Who knows.
I suppose I have my second show to look forward to, but I'm not really looking forward to it, which is sad, but true.
|
|
| I'm Tired, So Tired |
[06 Apr 2004|09:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
oh how I hate laundry day.
Today was good, I suppose. I cast my one act, after some extreme moral grilling in my head over who I could work with and who I couldn't and whose work I had seen previously. It was three hours of PAINFULLY bad acting, but what can you expect from a bunch of highschool kids doing cold readings? Not much. I think I am going to hate directing, but maybe not, who knows. If it was a bigger project I might sway more to hate, but it's only a one act.
I have to pack AND clean my room. BADLY. Too many household things to do today. Grocery shopping can wait untill tomorrow, I am beat.
That's all for now, perhaps more later.
|
|
| Jefferson |
[28 Feb 2004|11:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
it's gotta mean something |
] |
it's like an endless curve. something about the way the lights mist over the pavement, something about the way you don't really know where you're going. I can feel it, I can feel it and it's intense. I'm scared, I'm lost and I'm alone. It's an endless curve, never really knowing what's around the corner and the corner doesn't fucking end. You can't put it all together, there's nothing to put together. Just a whole jumbled mess of superficial reality. Challenge reality. Fucked in the head and it's all gone. I can't do this anymore. No amount of coffee or cigarettes will cure this. An endless supply of drugs and alcohol could not heal this horrible pain in my chest. Nothing can help this, nothing can cure this. It's all been gone too long. And there is nothing more agonizing than saying goodbye to everything you know and love. But it's all been gone for too long, and there's nothing left to say goodbye to anymore. A trip that I don't want to take, not alone. Nothing will ever top the love affair between pen and paper, because nothing ever turns out like you write it. There is no happy ending. Happiness is a fleeting fucking thing. It doesn't last, and it's never really there. But it's been gone for so long I can't remember what it feels like. I want to taste your lips again, I don't care if it tastes differently. Anything's better than the taste and feel of hard liqour and smoke. It's all so brazen so sharp. I don't understand this anymore, this whole thing. I don't get it, and it makes me wonder if there's anything to get. I could drive for days and never get tired. Just thoughts, thoughts swimming furiously through my head. Never tire. And suddenly, on a road I've driven down a thousand times before, I stop and have no idea where I am. I'm lost, in my own home, in my own element. I'm completely and totally clueless as to where I am, where I'm going and where I've been. Where the fuck have I been all this time? What have I been doing? Where the hell am I headed? And what do I do when I get there? It's all fiction anyway, right? Silence is a killer. Silence is brutal.
What do I do if I fuck it up?
|
|
| Unforgiving |
[16 Feb 2004|11:27pm] |
|
where are you when my lips are chapped and my back hurts.
there isn't a cup of coffee or a pack of cigarettes big enough to fix this now.
I should be studying right now. I skipped my first psych exam a week ago, saying I was in chicago...heh, I wasn't...but I didn't study, and I STILL haven't studied, because I thought Macomb was also on winter break. apparently, they are not. which screws me, now I have to motivate myself. I wish my parents would go to sleep so I was not bothered by the business of my house. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.
I wish you could have called, and I wish I wouldn't have lost all motivation to do what I REALLY need to do right now.
and so begins another trek into the deep, unforgiving sea..
|
|
| I'm Better Now, Thank You |
[18 Nov 2003|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
I think the emotional, physical, and mental stress I've put myself through in the last few weeks was just way too much...my body was just mad at me, so it made me sick...screw my body...ha, weird...anyway, I'm feeling better...I had lunch with Biwwy today...it was cool, dear hunting and what not...ech...I missed Biww though...hehe...anyway...in other news, I have my final audition tonight for Charlotte's Web tonight, I don't know if that's spelled correctly or not, but oh well...I will inform you all who are dying to know, I'm sure, later if I got a part...
I got an A on my history mid-term!! YAY!
And. dot dot dot...I'm applying to Julliard!! YAY!! Oh dreams can come true, but prolly not this one...haha...don't know where I found the guts to do this, but it's worth a shot, right!?
I hope you all have a bright smile on, in front of this rainy, icky backdrop...just like me! So optimistic it's funny...
|
|
| If I Was Worth Your Time |
[17 Nov 2003|01:41am] |
|
I don't put out anymore...so obviously, we can't be friends...fuck you...fuck you and your life that's based on nothing...I hope you and your little stripper friend get along great...and next time you want to lie, don't tell me you're with you're mother...that's almost sacriligious...
I need to be drunk
NOW
|
|
| Do You Want Me There Or Not? |
[03 Nov 2003|09:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cracked out, HA! |
] |
rehearsal today was...hhmm...not rythmic enough for me...I'm sorry, but the last dress rehearsal should not be the FIRST time you have rehearsed with the whole cast and have dead air in between when no one knows their lines...whatev...nonetheless it was fun...besides the fact there will not be a fun cast party, which is dissapointing, it will be fun, and good to wrap this thing up...
so besides the hecticness and the angry message you left me, it was a good day...for once, you left me an angry message instead of the other way around...but then I left you a much meaner one...so it all adds up...haha...
tomorrow I get my commercial done...yay! finally...I hope I get the scholarship...I hope I can get my app in before I go back to chicago too...but I don't know if that's happening...uuuggghhhh...
sooo, other than the fact that I will probably have a nervous breakdown next week while studying for my history exam, there is nothing new...
Only that I feel it all changing
As the leaves fall to my feet
I will hang on
And so will you
Mr. DeBruyn says: "I think you've joined the ranks, Danielle. In fact, I think you've gone beyond the ranks."
And Dave, I beleive you have become a living legend at ND. We all miss you...
|
|
| 20 Minutes Early |
[30 Oct 2003|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sigh of releif |
] |
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
that my friends, is the sweet, sweet sound of releif
the scholarship essay that was due by midnight tonight, if finally done.
Only 200 billion more to write and probably won't receive any money for.
BUT! I need your help...what should I be for Halloween?
haha
|
|
| Back In The Land Of Litter |
[29 Oct 2003|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
ok guys! I'm back!
I've decided I hate flying...the train is sooo much cooler...I know how much you all missed me...I need to get some circulation flowing in these hands...my typos will be many in this entry...
San Fran was a bust...cool city, I'm sure the night life is hoppin, but can't do much of that when you're only 17 and with your rents...oh
well...I honestly don't know why I went on vacation, because I am so far behind now it's not even funny...
you've all got to keep me on track...schedule for the next month or so...tomorrow, scholarship essay due by midnight...this weekend, party hard, hopefully...next week, rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal...I can't beleive it, but the play's next weekend...work...play, work, play...SCHOOLWORK...ok, then, history final and extra credit for Macomb...weekend after play BACK TO CHICAGO, for Columbia Open House, and David's play...yay...after that is more finals and thanksgiving break...YEAH! gotta keep my momentum up though...can't lose the momentum of school...have to gain some momentum for the play, I'm laggin a bit on that...and need to get scholarships and columbia app in...
AHHHHH!!!
soOoOooo...
I picked you up
and you're letting me fall
this always happens
|
|
| Chasing Sweet |
[22 Oct 2003|01:17pm] |
|
train ticket crumpled in my pocket
from the day before last
it already seems so far away
it doesn't always seem this far
but then you taste it
you feel it on your lips
and you embrace it
just for a moment
then it dissapears
and it's so close
that it's still linering in the air
but at the same time
it's just out of reach
you know you can get it back
you'll catch it again
but you'll spend your whole life chasing it
chasing what's behind it
and although it's sweeter than anything
there's nothing else to it
it's a hollow sweetness
but you'll spend your whole life chasing it
to peek and see if anything's behind it
waiting for the one time when you taste it
and it's full and loving
I don't think I can do this anymore
|
|
| I Don't Know Anymore |
[21 Oct 2003|10:00pm] |
Did you forget already? I hope you didn't...because I am consumed with it...
I miss Julie...I really really miss Julie, and I wish I could talk to her...San Francisco in three days...god I miss her...
|
|
| Does It Really Have To End? |
[19 Oct 2003|10:14am] |
|
In chicago....I am in love with Chicago, everything about chicago, the people in chicago...I love everything here...but I have to go...why, I don't know...I don't want to fucking leave...I need to be here, so much...
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
missmydreams's journal
exhausted